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In The Kitchen

by Étáin

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1.
I am the only shadow on the wall at 2am, I am a lonely daughter, I am gone- But it’s just as well, You don’t come calling anymore, Don’t crash into me, I am not your shore, I am your windows open, I am your breeze blowing through, I am my damp hair soaking my pillow through, I am your waxwork, I have melted to the floor, I am renewed now; I am something more. You are the image-cutter, You’re the scissors, You’re the train, You are hauling cargo and by its size you are amazed, You know your strength and your mind is cruel, But you are gentle sometimes, And for that I’ll be a fool, If I am an open hand, you’re the fist behind my back, Resentment lines my coat but I am grateful that- I knew you and I have suffered through, I am gentle sometimes and it’s those times I think of you, We were only shadows on those walls at 2am, Both lonely daughters; now gone but it’s as well, You don’t. We don’t. Call anymore, I cannot be you washed on another shore, I am the windows open, Can you feel that breeze blowing through? I am my damp hair soaking my pillows through, I was your waxwork, now melted to the floor, I am renewed now; I am something more.
2.
How much longer will I be giving it all away, for nothing? In the Kitchen when I cried to you, at the party, I must have been looking for love or something, And there are times you remind me of myself, But I believe that I have imagined that, and I am confident that- You are someone else, Nonetheless, I will re-read these lines in years, When regret creeps in and I find myself in a Kitchen again in tears, As a memory of what I used to be, Before I eventually lose myself to something that no longer is serendipity, My apologies, I do not believe that I have ever used you, As anything more than a sounding board, Your flirtation was so underhanded, as you understand it, I wanted more, And did I fall in love with you? I am asking you as if I think you would know, It doesn’t matter now, I don’t wanna know, Whatever it was, let it pass you, Let it weather, And I will re-read these lines in years, When regret creeps in and I find myself in a Kitchen again in tears, As a memory of what I used to be, Before I eventually lose myself to something that no longer is serendipity, Well, it doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna know, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna let it weather, No, well, it doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna know, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna let it weather, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna know, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna, It doesn’t matter now, And I don’t wanna, Let it weather.
3.
How I wish I could share this with you now, I was drawn in by a fresh mist that was coming down, Caught up in the tide as it washed up the strand, And I could’ve walked into that horizon, I could have drowned in it at my own hand, I saw the ground slip from underneath my feet, Fell back against the Stacks and, It grounded me, Dragged back, I am a stone in this western pool, And there’s something about these waters; They are old and new and comfortless and cool, And though I am at home, It’s like I’m seeing it for the first time, It is like I’m seeing it for the first time, It is like I’m seeing it for the first time, And though I am at home, I’d rather be here for the first time, I would rather be here for the first time, Than be in this familiar uncertainty. Now I know the roads, I know the names of all the places, I know the faces behind the doors, But I cannot decipher in which direction, To turn - oh I don’t know this house anymore! And though I am at home, It’s like I’m seeing it for the first time, It is like I’m seeing it for the first time, It is like I’m seeing it for the first time, And though I am at home, I’d rather be here for the first time, I would rather be here for the first time, Than be in this familiar uncertainty. How I wish I could share this with you now, I was drawn in by a fresh mist that was coming down, Dragged back, I am a stone in this western pool, And there’s something about these waters; They are old and new and comfortless and cool, You know there’s something about these waters; They are old and new and comfortless and cool.
4.
As You Lay 04:00
I don’t think this is a heartache you’ll recover from, Don’t trust me, I’m not as good as my word, You might think I am as safe a bet as any, But I am indecisive, I can be persuasive, Give you a night, I’ll set your heart, Racing, Truth be true, it aches me through to think of you, And I was no fool but there was a time when I was more me than you knew, You say I’m addictive, I don’t wanna be vindictive, But my mind is predictive and I can’t help it, Reeling, I want you, come on, help me make this mistake, I wanna play you there as you lay, I wanna lose you, I want you to take, Take every little piece of me and make me your last symphony, Then send me packing, send me packing on my way, You know it does nothing for me anymore, Tell myself to back off, my own back up against the floor, And each word you use cuts through, The night, it’s like a fight knife and I don’t need the street light, As long as I’ve got your lips and your eyes and your arms, Tight about me, Lately, there’s been something tired about me, I want you, come on, help me make this mistake, I wanna play you there as you lay, I wanna lose you, I want you to take, Take every little piece of me and make me your last symphony, Then send me packing, send me packing on my way, I don’t think this is a heartache you’ll recover from, Don’t trust me, I’m not as good as my worth, You might think I am as safe a bet as any, But I am indecisive, I can be persuasive, Give you a night, I’ll set your heart, Racing, racing.

about

“Though I didn’t write the songs on ‘In The Kitchen’ with this in mind; looking at them now, they capture my search for belonging – for a home – in the people and places I encountered in my early twenties. Over the past few years, my songwriting has changed; it has become more vulnerable as I’ve tried to detangle my identity through my songs.

Some of them made their way onto ‘In The Kitchen’, and when I step back from it and listen to it now I can see my own coming of age over the course of the record.”

credits

released November 19, 2021

All tracks written, performed, produced, and mixed by Étáin.
Mastered by Paul Savage.

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about

Étáin Glasgow, UK

Étáin began writing at an early age, inspired by her childhood spent by the Lake Isle of Inisfree. She quickly developed a distinctive songwriting style that delivers cinematic imagery in an intimate and conversational tone.

Étáin’s award-winning debut EP Sacred Renditions was released in 2017. Her sophomore EP In The Kitchen is out now.
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